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It's funny that we blame our parents for the whole school/college craze, and yet every grade is held so close to our hearts. It's as if our parent's biases have become our own, sometime between angrily protesting against being forced to do things we don't want to and resignedly complying with it, our own will has disappeared, only to be replaced by theirs. But really, have we ever had a say? America may be called "the land of the free" but really has the right to do what they want? Society wants us all to be a certain way, the government, our friends, our peers, our parents, and so on, that constantly we are being forced into being someone that others want us to be.
With my friends/peers, I feel like I have to seem smart so that they will rely on my help. I am afraid to ask them my own questions, afraid to say what I really feel like saying for fear of them thinking me negatively, afraid to tell them my true feelings and thoughts. They ask, why do keep yourself at a distance from us? why don't you tell us your secrets? Well I ask, what would you think if I told you I am failing at school and life? What if I told you I dislike most people, even your best friend? So I am the quiet person that always gets asked for help on homework, but virtually nothing else. To my parents, I pretend like school is ridiculously simply for me, that my life's ambition is to get into Harvard and become a doctor. Do I really want to go to a good university? Do I really want to become a doctor? I don't even know anymore.
The funny thing is that no matter how hard I try to make others like me, I am invisible. When they need help on homework, they go to me. When they just want a sympathetic ear, i always make myself available. But when I feel down, they simply don't care. When they want to just have fun with friends, I'm suddenly forgotten.
~~~the invisible one~~~~
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nietzchesays's journal
